Looking Back At Life Through The Rear View Mirror.

Over the last eight years 

Since Paige was born I have on many occasions looked back on

my life and at the events and circumstances that

led me to this point.

Looking at my life through the rear view

mirror has been very thought provoking. I, like

many of you have been so busy driving

towards the illusive mirage, which from time to

time popped up and then just as quickly

disappeared. I have at times been so intent on

catching that illusive entity that I have missed

many of the wonderful things happening right

in front of my eyes.

In 2005 Chris and I decided that while it might

seem a little late in our lives, we would like to

have another child. Actually it was Chris who

would have the child I would watch admiringly

from the sidelines as she performed this

miracle.

In the time that Paige has come into the world

both Chris and I have (As many do) seen many

changes in our lives. I have lost both of my

parents very quickly and unexpectedly. Chris

lost two of her family members, one of whom

was only sixty. We have been thrust into one of

the worst recessions ever witnessed and we

have seen several wars consume our economies

and the lives of millions all over the world.

Like many of you, I have tried to make sense of

all of the events in my life, sometimes I have

achieved that end and sometimes I have been

left wanting, always I have been able to look

back through the rear view mirror and see

some good in most of the events.

War? Well having been in one I cannot see any

redeeming qualities for them.

Having children? I can only see the good

reasons for such a venture.

A few years ago one of my colleagues died of

cancer. She was only just 40 and while I cannot

say I new her well the event shook me because I

realised how fickle this thing called life can be.

This is what I wrote back then to try and make sense of her passing.

Life Change

I woke up one morning and my whole world had changed. It

wasn’t as though I had planned it that way or even thought that

it might turn out that way, it just showed up like an unexpected

baby. Oh my god! I missed pregnancy and I have a three year

old who needs to be fed and clothed and who isn’t potty

trained!

So you run outside and yell at the sky as though it might rain.

All that happens of course is that the sun pops out from behind

a cloud and blinds you.

My friend died this year, she was 42. There was no warning

and I didn’t know how to say good-bye. All I could do was

look directly into the sun and yell at the sky and pray for rain,

so that it would put out the fire. She died of cancer, it stole her

life like an evil little uninvited monster which had come to

dinner, but had not been asked to leave.

I had the feeling that life was a precious but vulnerable entity

which, could be taken away without a moments notice by

something that had no understanding of the turmoil it would

leave behind. So I went to the doctors to have the mole on my

side checked out. It’s been there for ten years and being a man I

have never really thought that I could get sick, much less die.

Suddenly, after my friend had passed, I was aware of the fact

that one day I would in fact die also. Panic! I have a 13 month and

three day old daughter who comes to me with an awkward gate

in her walk and puts her head on my shoulder (I have to kneel

down) and hugs me. I know that she is 13 months and three

days old, because every day is special to me now. Every hug,

every moment in my life is a moment I could waste. Every

moment is one that if not used will dissolve into the forever of

never used time and, will not be regained no matter how hard I

try.

The mole is a wart and is not cancer. But, how that cancer can

spread, in the form of doubt and wasted time and lost hugs. The

nurse said I was healthy and living the life of a man fifteen

years my junior. I am 52 and Paige is 13 Months and three

days. How wonderful is life that we should have this gift, this

beautiful child who hugs me and calls everything daddy.

I cannot lay an egg, however I believe I am a far better judge of an omelet, than any chicken alive.

So what does that have to do with Politics? 

Well it’s simple really, we are the end users of the outcome of the political machine. We are the ones who operate the finished product and after an election it is the people who are the many parts of the machine, the nuts and bolts so to speak. It is this thinking that has got me to view government as a very much non existent entity, at least it does not exist in the way that many people wold like to think of it.

I believe we see government as a mechanism which works tirelessly for us 24 hours a day. 

Now think about that statement and then consider the following. Let’s take for instance the idea that if we are out of work government should create jobs for us. We hear this all the time and mostly from politicians wanting to be elected. This does not really work for many reasons.

1. We have moved increasingly quickly in the last fifteen years since the advent of the internet, from a country which manufactured things to a country driven by the service industry and into the digital age. and I believe that we are still in the middle of making and understanding that transition. If you ask many young people who are getting ready to leave school and consider their future, if the service industry is one for them, many will turn up their noses at the idea. However the service industry is one of the fastest growing in many once industrial driven countries. This is driven by the private sector and not the government.
2. So lets say we go to the job centre and ask for a job. Many of the people working their do not want to be their in the first place and are also looking for the same job as you are, you know, that dream job. At the end of the day they leave and go home to their children, their bills, their house repairs and...well you get the picture they are people just like you and I. After they have taken all of your details they file them into a computer program which inappropriately  matches you to a job which does not fit your needs, interests  or skills.
3. The person working at the job centre goes home at 5pm and does not take your file with them. They will not spend the evening pouring over job vacancies that will match perfectly to your needs and they will be faced with another several hundred ‘you’s’ the next day and so the cycle continues.
4. The only real thing resembling a government is a set of buildings and a decree. In our case it’s the Magna Carta and for America it’s the Bill Of Rights and the Constitution. There is a ‘Bills Butchers’ I use that as an example because when an independent business person starts a small business, it rests on that person and when you go to the business and ask to speak to 'Bill', chances are that you get to. If you go down to the local government office and ask to speak to the government, besides looking at you quizzically, you might get to speak with the clerk or they will ask what part of government you wish to address and when that is decided you will be put on a waiting list and then passed over to an intern and...well you get the idea.

Let me explain at this point that I am not a negative person or down on the government, but I do marvel at people who say that we are owed something. Things like schools or medical coverage or housing or a job and so on. My question is to them, who owes us these things and if it is in fact the government then who within that government is responsible and in fact accountable to give it to us?

I will finish by asking this question: If we are ‘Owed’ things and we have the ‘Right’ to things and if two people are born at the same time, which one has the right and  which one has the responsibility to give it to the other?

Live Passionately, Ask Why!

Watford 10K Both Humbled and Inspired.

Humble and Inspired

Today I took part in the Watford 10K along with approximately 900 other runners of varying skills and ages. We ranged from three to seventy five plus and varied in athletic abillity
from part run part walk, to club level almost sprint. The fastest time was a full 100% faster than my time which I might add I am still very proud of in 1 hour 12 minutes.

I feel humbled that given my age of 60 in August, there were athletes much stronger placed than I, some fifteen years my senior and I also feel inspired that I was able to be part of that experience.

There were mothers, fathers, grandparents and children and at least one athlete who was blind who inspired me all the more and again humbled me as she passed on my left holding the arm of her running partner.

The fastest time was 37 min 15 seconds and the final athlete to victoriously cross the line was 1 hour 5. The value was not in the time but n the taste of victory that we participated and rose to the challenge knowing others did not. Today many people took on their demons and beat them. For some it is physical for others age. There blind athletes and some in wheelchairs. Some of us are confronted with the voice of doubt that says "Quit" and others of us have that nagging little voice of self worth saying "Who do you think you are that you should take life by the tail and win?"

Everyone has a moment of doubt in their life and it is is the choice we make at that moment which determines the outcome of our future. I encourage you to make brave choices and live your dreams and if the voices of doubt and reason keep talking in the background, invite them along for the ride, just don't pay them any notice.

With aching legs and a soaring heart I will go to bed a happier person tonight.

Happy Running!

That Thing Called Prenthood

I have three children, they are 28,18 and 8. My life has been spread out over six decades and these are the gifts that I treasure the most. My partner in crime of course my wife, but I hope that goes with our saying after 25 years of marriage.

No one of these children are the same and yet they all three are so alike. There is some of me in all of them, something I find quite humbling and there are qualities and traits they all have common to the other. I have found that life is a short journey on the road of forever and parenthood is the most marvalous thing that has happened along the way.

A Brief Fleeting Moment of

Parenthood

Look to the farthest star

And brighter than that are you by far

Or quietly listen to the running brook

That gently passes like the book

The one you read to loose your self

Don’t leave your heart upon some shelf

But share the light that is that star

The one that shines within you

Brighter by far

Look

Look to the farthest star

Huffing loudly!

Big and proudly!

Like a storm in tea cup

Roaring at the world

Look at me. LOOK AT ME!

How do we make the leap

From child to woman or man?

How do we let the love of others

Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers

Guide us, through this sullen time?

Without surrender or bed at nine?

“I know! “ You say. "I know."

So quickly now the days have slipped away

And awkwardly I fumble, to find the things to

say

For a precious moment it was you, and me and

Pooh

So quickly have the days gone by

And I look for things to do

To try, and take my mind, off loosing you.

I know you’ll always be my little child.

But for one brief, fleeting, beautiful moment,

It was just you, and me, and Pooh.

We define ourselves by what we think, others define us by what we do.

Do I see the look of a believer?

I have started training for the Triathlon Season. I started early this year because the previous two years Angela, my trainer has killed me with a twelve week burst leading up to one event. This of course has been my choice and, given that for the prior part of the year I had not trained at all,  this was all she had to work with. This year I was determined to have two things happen. I would be ready to be able to use the twelve week training session that we have with Angela to it’s maximum and, I would have fun getting there.

Last week I had an epiphany; I was running my second 5K and I could hear all of the familiar little voices in my head saying quit, why are you doing this to yourself, you were a lousy runner when you were 20 why do you think you can be any good now you are nearly sixty. To silence the voices I thought, instead of thinking I could not do it why don’t I simply think that I could? In that instant my whole approach to running changed.It suddenly changed from the conversation being one of difficulty to one of ease. It changed from one of struggle to one of joy and from one of failure to one of success. 

Young people today are beset with the challenges of reaching a standard in school that is nothing short of painful and they are made to think from an early age that the successes and failures that they gain in what is a very short part of their lives, defines who they are now and who they will become in there future. Are you going to University? No?Then what that means is...You are going to University, then you will almost certainly be a success. All that has happened here is that the students choice has made the teacher feel better about themselves and not really helped the student at all.

My thinking has defined me all of my life and, while I have read many books and am an avid TED Talk enthusiast and I am told every day that I have a positive attitude, it was only last week as I turned the corner and faced an absolute bitch of a hill to finish the last 1 1/2K of my run that I understood the power of my own thoughts. Suddenly all of the doubts that I had brought along for company were replaced with the successes that I also have had over my lifetime. In that one thought I redefined who I was and proceeded to knock a minute and a half off my best time.

I know that this stuff works but I have never seen it work so well as it did that day because of one small equation; ‘Thought plus Action’. What I learned was the most important lesson  of all, one that is missed by even the best motivational thinkers; nothing changes for the better or worse until action follows thought. Usually a negative thought is followed by no action, however, that in of it’s self is action. Having a positive thought must be followed directly by the same value of positive action otherwise it is simply a warm and fussy thought leaving you just as unfulfilled on the other side. If we are to be the person we think we are, we must be willing to take action on those thoughts. As we take more and more action so we add to our bank account of confidence and we generate more and more equity in that account to spend on our future.

Live Passionately, Think Positive!

Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?

I wrote this when I was 55 it still rings true.

Do these jeans make my butt look good? I mean; for crying out loud, I’m 59 not dead. I’m not asking for the attention of young women to feed my male ego, actually I would feel quite awkward if a woman young enough to be my daughter made a pass at me or my butt for that matter. No, what I really want is to look good in jeans again, just for a few more years.

The thing is, these days we all look better than our parents did, look what they had to go through, a war, rationing, and terrible working conditions. No wonder they all looked middle aged by the time they were 30. The problem is that we feel better, we have better diets and better health care, so it’s obvious that we are going to look better. So at 59 I still want to look good, at least to my wife and I still want my best feature to look good in a pair of Levis. The question is of course, how do we pull that off?

The challenge is to juggle a job and a family and still find time to take care of ones self. As the years roll by we see less and less of our knees due in part to the evidence of too many late night snacks and trips to McDonalds with the kids. For most men the largest and most exercised muscle in their body is their thumb from using the remote.

“Grab us a nuvver beer luv, sein as yer up” 

Hardly the sexual magnet she fell in love with. I think most guys are the same when it comes to it, when we strip off at night we want the woman we fell in love with to raise her eyebrows and look twice. In fairness we expect them to look great even after having given birth to a couple of times, maybe we should make some effort as well.

Live passionately, ask why!

The Thought Of Succeeding

There have been many times in life when we think about giving up. Sometimes it’s on school, sometimes on work, other times it’s on a relationship or trying to get a promotion. The thing is, most of the time it is just a thought and nothing else. However, if you have had that thought and then taken action on it, you will know how hollow it leaves you feeling.

Don’t get ‘Giving up’ mixed up with ‘Failing’ though, it is not one and the same. Failing is part of life and to fail often and sometimes in a grand way usually means that we are trying to achieve something big and giving your all and failing at something big and life changing big should be a badge of honour. All of the other failures in life are simply a way of regrouping and trying something different.

The thing is, a lot of the time failing, quitting and giving up simply start with a thought and nothing more. Likewise succeeding is the result of the same thing, it all starts with just a thought. We do not wake up one morning and find ourselves at the top of Everest and wonder how we got there. We do not suddenly find that we have a number one smash hit and wonder how that happened and we don't suddenly win an Olympic gold medal and say to the guy who is receiving the silver medal, “What is this celebration for and why are we here” All of these things and the many other events in our life all started as a thought and remained that way until action was taken to make that thought a reality.

We hear every day of people who against ridiculous odds achieve amazing things. Things such as; Sir Ranulph Fiennes, climbing Mount Everest at 65 after his third attempt. The first time he was stopped because  of a heart attack and the second time due to exhaustion. He is now the oldest British climber to make the ascent and also the first pensioner. Walt Disney went bankrupt after a failed deal in 1922, today Disney is one of the most successful and respected brands in the world. Einstein did not speak until he was four years old, Richard Branson did not attend University and has Dyslexia, Jim Carrie was homeless, Stephen Kings first novel was rejected 30 times and the richest person in the world, Bill Gates saw his fist business fail. The list goes on and on and has been the subject of many books but the point is, it was only a thought in the heads of these and many other people and it was only a thought that gave them the idea to be successful.

Three years ago I competed in the London Triathlon and this year will be my third one. All my life I have started the conversation about my running ability with the statement “I am not very good” going through my thoughts. This statement lead to, and therefore I will fail. Just a thought, a simple thought. This year I have started training early as part of my celebration of my 60th birthday in August, the difference is though, this year I have started with the thought that “I will succeed.” My running is so much easier, it was like lifting a weight from my shoulders and I feel tangibly better about myself. I have also found that because I own the success of my running I can bank it in my ‘Self Esteem’ bank account and the equity is measurable. It has taken on a physicality and it is changing my life.

This blog was originally titled ‘The Thought Of Failure’ but as I was running on Monday I changed that to ‘The Thought Of Succeeding’ and with it my entire attitude.

Think Big! Dare To Win!