When people have affairs, for the most part I believe it’s a substitute for their partner. I truly think the problem is that when we have lived with someone for so many years married or not, we become familiar and tired and while most men will go right to the sexy undies as a source of excitement in the relationship, it’s not always the case though.

It's not our fault, men are hardwired to go for the visual aspects of life and we think that sexy undies will save our marriage. The truth is, no amount of lingerie will do anything but make matters worse if the person waring it does not feel comfortable in it. What the secret is, I believe, is to be passionate about life and that will show up in the relationship. It’s not just women either who bare the brunt of this men have as much responsibility to show up as well. (Just not in lingerie, well, look it's your choice). The turn on, whether sexual, emotional, spiritual or intellectual, is by being passionate about it.

That at least for me has become the inspiration for a good relationship, that and being genuinely interested in your partner. You don’t have to like what they do, their music or choice of films, what we need to do is be happy for each other, in that we are passionate about our lives and in turn passionate people. If passion is what you bring to the relationship, the rewards will me unlimited. Show up and the world will show up with you.

Live passionately, ask why!

The Courage To Be Brave.

Tonight, I saw my oldest daughter Erin, perform in her last school play. She played the role of Tituba in The Crucible. She was wonderful, and I, as any parent would be, am very proud.

But it was not the role she played or how well she performed that made me the most proud. It was the understanding, that in-between all of the crying and complaining that has gone on over the last few months. In-between rehearsals, which have taken up most of the families lives, and  the never ending issues with learning lines and being a taxi driver for Erin and many of her friends. While all of this was going on something else was happening. Erin was growing up. Suddenly tonight I realised that she is not a little girl any more and while she may not yet be a woman she has become her own person.

I was taken by how brave she is to get up in front of total strangers, completely vulnerable and show to the world, who she is. I am so proud of her willingness to step above the parapet with confidence and be willing to fail, but in that moment of willingness, she shone and succeeded. As a Dad I am so very proud of who she has become and a little sad to see my little girl move on.

We forget sometimes as parents that it takes courage to be different.

Lee

Why Give Thanks?

I was explaining to my six year old what Thanksgiving was about. How the first settlers to America lived through a harsh and unexpected winter. Many of their numbers died because of the elements they were unprepared for. How they were befriended by the Native Americans who taught them to plant and grow food, and shelter from the elements.

At the end of the first year the settlers and the Native Americans sat down as one and shared a simple meal to celebrate the success of their first year and making it through sometimes, unbelievable odds. In those first months of that first year it took courage and determination, it took faith and most of all it took acceptance, trust and belief in others.

How did those same Native Americans suddenly become savages and less than human? How did they become the enemy in their own land? Have we come further today or do we still only see the differences today that we saw then? We should give thanks for everyone no matter their skin colour or language, sex or religion. Life is too short a ride to waste it on the grumblings of petty differences.

Give thanks, not opinion.

How To Be A Leader

The truth is there are a million books all telling us how to be a leader and they are all different. The first thing is to do is understand the distinction between Leader and Manager. 

A Manager is a person who manages tasks within a set of given circumstances. 

A Leader is a person who has a vision with no given circumstances and then turns that vision into reality either on their own or by inspiring enough other people to support them in the vision. While there is a cross over at times of Manager and Leader it should be understood that they are not the same and if you are waiting for someone to give you permision  you to Lead, then really you are a Manager and that's okay.

How to be a Leader:

1.  Have a vision that you believe in.
2. Take the intuitive to go for it. No one will give you permission that's what you will do for others.
3.  Enrol and inspire the right people into the vision who will support you. 
4.  Set out a plan of action. Do not get too caught up in the mechanics of the vision, that's what Managers are for. Get some good ones.
5.  Be flexible. Remember, it's better to be successful that right.
6.  Give permission for others to lead so they will not need to be managed, then get out of their way.
7.  Be willing to see it through or your team will give up.
8.  Be passionate.
9.  Believe in your team.
10. When you succeed give credit to all of those who went with you on the journey.

Most of all, have the guts to get up and do it. No one will tell you it's okay. No one will give you permission, in fact there will be plenty of people telling you it can't be done. There are millions of people just waiting for someone to Lead and it might as well be you. Leaders give permission for others to succeed. Leaders are in the 5% everyone else is waiting for you. Leaders celebrate the successes of others and create teams and dreams. So why not find your vision, create your Dream team and

GO FOR IT!

Who Owes You And How You Can Get It!

A basic understanding of ‘Who owes you what, why you deserve it and how you go about getting it’

Okay, so here is the basic principle of what you deserve and who owes it to you.

‘If two people are born at the same time and you are one of them, and, if you have the right to a good job and you deserve a nice house and good schooling for your children so that they can get a good education. And, after you have worked hard all your life and now need taking care of in the style to which you deserve. If you have the right to all these things, if you deserve all of these things, then which person who was born at the same time as you, has the responsibility to give them to you?

Does that same person not have the right to all of these things? And, surely they must also deserve the same things that would make your life fuller and more complete? If so, then who is bound by duty at birth to give them to you?

The truth is that we have the right to nothing at all, because if we did, then by virtue of this quandary some one would have to be bound to give them to us.

Well I have to assume that’s is not what you want to here? The truth is though that we are all in the same boat and the state of the world at present is due in part to the thinking that there will always be some one who will give us the things we deserve. Well in fact there is and it’s you! We all have the right to many things and many of us who work hard, serve our countries and pay our taxes, deserve the things we say we would like to have. But in the end there is only one person who will put you first in the pecking order, and that of course is you.

Go ahead, why not have the life you say that you deserve.

Where is that sexy young girl I married?

A couple of years ago, I was in the process of creating a haven of romance in our house, while Chris and the girls are in the US with family. (Well actually I was Re-doing our bedroom, hoping that it will re-kindle that flame which once burned hot to the touch). Typically we just burn the candle at both ends and get to the end of the day with good intentions. but just pick up a good book instead.

During this process I began to realize what had happened to that ‘Sexy Young Girl’ I married. Turns out that she had got lost in that thing we call ‘Motherhood.’ I was cleaning out her bedside cupboard as the mystery began to unravel. Putting all of her personal items into a box the story began to unfold. First there was the usual make up and lotions, which are generally sold as snake oil, inferring that we can all look ten years younger if applied twice a day. Then there was a collection of toiletries that well meaning friends had bought over the years, but never used.

A stack of Christmas and Birthday cards. Memories of how time has slipped by so quickly. Cards for Paige who only yesterday we brought home from the hospital and who is now 6 ½. Cards for Erin who is 17 and who looks for all the world like the girl in the pictures from 30 years ago. Cards from me on our wedding anniversary, now 25 years. Small items of jewelry that the girls have made or bought, kept safe from harm so precious now to their Mother.

Items locked away in drawers made by little hands at school and given on Mothers Day. An item of clothing so long forgotten by it’s owner but kept as a door to the past when we were slimmer and with less smile lines. (When we went dancing)

This is where the ‘Sexy Young Girl’ I married lives now, in days of promise of the futures and glances back into the past. She lives within her daughters and through the birthday cards and handmade gifts and paintings of dogs and sisters. 

It is so much easier for men, we just look for that next adventure and we take off at a whim. Mothers cannot do that unless everyone goes. They don’t get to look for themselves in mid life. They simple find themselves in cards and hand made gifts from little hands.

I wake up every morning and there she is, that ‘Sexy Young Girl’ I fell in love with, lying right beside me. She is there beside me as we walk hand in hand along life’s road and she is still as sexy and as breath taking as she ever was.  And while the candle still tends to burn at both ends, it is also very hot in the middle sometimes.

Loosing our Innocence.

When I was sixteen I joined the Army. I was given a rifle and told (in not so many words) don't kill anyone unless you mean to.

In that first few months of being in the Army I crossed a line and lost my Innocence. At the time I didn't realise it but life had changed for me and I could never go back. When I came home on leave everything had changed, my friends, me, my position in life. Actually what had happened was I had changed, but everything else had stayed the same and not moved on much from where I had left it. Why should it? We were all only sixteen, we were in fact, still just teenagers. My friends saw life through a much more innocent set of circumstances than I.

I do not regret those choices I made, they have helped create who I am today.

I look at my daughter now, she is seventeen. She is trying so hard to be grown up but the truth is, she is still a teenager, a child. I like that and I understand that soon she will also have to become an adult. I don't want to hold her back or get in the way, in fact I want to do everything I can to prepare her for that day when she leaves home and is ready to take on the world on her own terms. But until that time comes she will be my little girl and that is fine by me.

A childhood is a precious thing and should be cherished, not abandoned and forgotten.