We define ourselves by what we think, others define us by what we do.

Do I see the look of a believer?

I have started training for the Triathlon Season. I started early this year because the previous two years Angela, my trainer has killed me with a twelve week burst leading up to one event. This of course has been my choice and, given that for the prior part of the year I had not trained at all,  this was all she had to work with. This year I was determined to have two things happen. I would be ready to be able to use the twelve week training session that we have with Angela to it’s maximum and, I would have fun getting there.

Last week I had an epiphany; I was running my second 5K and I could hear all of the familiar little voices in my head saying quit, why are you doing this to yourself, you were a lousy runner when you were 20 why do you think you can be any good now you are nearly sixty. To silence the voices I thought, instead of thinking I could not do it why don’t I simply think that I could? In that instant my whole approach to running changed.It suddenly changed from the conversation being one of difficulty to one of ease. It changed from one of struggle to one of joy and from one of failure to one of success. 

Young people today are beset with the challenges of reaching a standard in school that is nothing short of painful and they are made to think from an early age that the successes and failures that they gain in what is a very short part of their lives, defines who they are now and who they will become in there future. Are you going to University? No?Then what that means is...You are going to University, then you will almost certainly be a success. All that has happened here is that the students choice has made the teacher feel better about themselves and not really helped the student at all.

My thinking has defined me all of my life and, while I have read many books and am an avid TED Talk enthusiast and I am told every day that I have a positive attitude, it was only last week as I turned the corner and faced an absolute bitch of a hill to finish the last 1 1/2K of my run that I understood the power of my own thoughts. Suddenly all of the doubts that I had brought along for company were replaced with the successes that I also have had over my lifetime. In that one thought I redefined who I was and proceeded to knock a minute and a half off my best time.

I know that this stuff works but I have never seen it work so well as it did that day because of one small equation; ‘Thought plus Action’. What I learned was the most important lesson  of all, one that is missed by even the best motivational thinkers; nothing changes for the better or worse until action follows thought. Usually a negative thought is followed by no action, however, that in of it’s self is action. Having a positive thought must be followed directly by the same value of positive action otherwise it is simply a warm and fussy thought leaving you just as unfulfilled on the other side. If we are to be the person we think we are, we must be willing to take action on those thoughts. As we take more and more action so we add to our bank account of confidence and we generate more and more equity in that account to spend on our future.

Live Passionately, Think Positive!

Do These Jeans Make My Butt Look Big?

I wrote this when I was 55 it still rings true.

Do these jeans make my butt look good? I mean; for crying out loud, I’m 59 not dead. I’m not asking for the attention of young women to feed my male ego, actually I would feel quite awkward if a woman young enough to be my daughter made a pass at me or my butt for that matter. No, what I really want is to look good in jeans again, just for a few more years.

The thing is, these days we all look better than our parents did, look what they had to go through, a war, rationing, and terrible working conditions. No wonder they all looked middle aged by the time they were 30. The problem is that we feel better, we have better diets and better health care, so it’s obvious that we are going to look better. So at 59 I still want to look good, at least to my wife and I still want my best feature to look good in a pair of Levis. The question is of course, how do we pull that off?

The challenge is to juggle a job and a family and still find time to take care of ones self. As the years roll by we see less and less of our knees due in part to the evidence of too many late night snacks and trips to McDonalds with the kids. For most men the largest and most exercised muscle in their body is their thumb from using the remote.

“Grab us a nuvver beer luv, sein as yer up” 

Hardly the sexual magnet she fell in love with. I think most guys are the same when it comes to it, when we strip off at night we want the woman we fell in love with to raise her eyebrows and look twice. In fairness we expect them to look great even after having given birth to a couple of times, maybe we should make some effort as well.

Live passionately, ask why!

The Thought Of Succeeding

There have been many times in life when we think about giving up. Sometimes it’s on school, sometimes on work, other times it’s on a relationship or trying to get a promotion. The thing is, most of the time it is just a thought and nothing else. However, if you have had that thought and then taken action on it, you will know how hollow it leaves you feeling.

Don’t get ‘Giving up’ mixed up with ‘Failing’ though, it is not one and the same. Failing is part of life and to fail often and sometimes in a grand way usually means that we are trying to achieve something big and giving your all and failing at something big and life changing big should be a badge of honour. All of the other failures in life are simply a way of regrouping and trying something different.

The thing is, a lot of the time failing, quitting and giving up simply start with a thought and nothing more. Likewise succeeding is the result of the same thing, it all starts with just a thought. We do not wake up one morning and find ourselves at the top of Everest and wonder how we got there. We do not suddenly find that we have a number one smash hit and wonder how that happened and we don't suddenly win an Olympic gold medal and say to the guy who is receiving the silver medal, “What is this celebration for and why are we here” All of these things and the many other events in our life all started as a thought and remained that way until action was taken to make that thought a reality.

We hear every day of people who against ridiculous odds achieve amazing things. Things such as; Sir Ranulph Fiennes, climbing Mount Everest at 65 after his third attempt. The first time he was stopped because  of a heart attack and the second time due to exhaustion. He is now the oldest British climber to make the ascent and also the first pensioner. Walt Disney went bankrupt after a failed deal in 1922, today Disney is one of the most successful and respected brands in the world. Einstein did not speak until he was four years old, Richard Branson did not attend University and has Dyslexia, Jim Carrie was homeless, Stephen Kings first novel was rejected 30 times and the richest person in the world, Bill Gates saw his fist business fail. The list goes on and on and has been the subject of many books but the point is, it was only a thought in the heads of these and many other people and it was only a thought that gave them the idea to be successful.

Three years ago I competed in the London Triathlon and this year will be my third one. All my life I have started the conversation about my running ability with the statement “I am not very good” going through my thoughts. This statement lead to, and therefore I will fail. Just a thought, a simple thought. This year I have started training early as part of my celebration of my 60th birthday in August, the difference is though, this year I have started with the thought that “I will succeed.” My running is so much easier, it was like lifting a weight from my shoulders and I feel tangibly better about myself. I have also found that because I own the success of my running I can bank it in my ‘Self Esteem’ bank account and the equity is measurable. It has taken on a physicality and it is changing my life.

This blog was originally titled ‘The Thought Of Failure’ but as I was running on Monday I changed that to ‘The Thought Of Succeeding’ and with it my entire attitude.

Think Big! Dare To Win!

VINYL IS MAKING A COMEBACK!

Vinyl is making a comeback, or is it that just that it never really left?

I have spent a lot of my life, as many of us do, trying to keep up with the times. What cloths are in fashion, what car is a cool one to drive, what music do I listen to, that sort of thing. What I have done however is two things that I now realise have been to the detriment of my failed attempt to keep in step with the times.

I have sacrificed in part, the quality that came with trading out many of the things I loved for efficiency and convenience and,

I have traded away a little part of who I am.

I know that the new 60 is the old 40 and my generation is doing things our parents would never have tried or been open to. We are living longer and looking younger (despite a diet off the McDonalds’ deal menu) but that does not guarantee that all of the advancements mean that we take along the quality that we previously had. I know it was a technological breakthrough to put 1,000 songs on to a pocket sized MP3 player, but the price we paid was the quality of the music and one thing I have discovered is that quantity in no way takes the place of quality.

Music has always been a very important part of my life, it brings back memories of times and places. My entry into acting was through musical theatre and in times of joy and sadness it has always been there to comfort me. It brings emotion to births , wedding and funerals and it's the link between words and pictures in films. There is nothing quite like seeing and hearing live music, everything after that is always second best. 

Vinyl records have always been available on places like 'e bay' and in retro shops but suddenly my daughters’ generation has rediscovered how cool it is all over again. Interestingly it is also the artists of that Vinyl generation that are in the forefront of the revival. I was in HMV today and noticed that it was James Taylor, Fleetwood Mac and the Ramones who were leading the charge and not the music of the present time. Suddenly there was a common link that I had with a young woman who had pink hair and piercings, is was the music and in this case the Vinyl. It was a bridge that has spanned several generations and allowing us to experience this common bond. 

The thing I have learned throughout this is that we all need a little quality in our lives. Quality of music, quality of books, films, cloths or whatever it is for you and most importantly, quality in our relationships. Convenience is great and it is needed in this time we live in, but we can always use quality. It will outlast everything.

If You Were Dying, Would You Share The Blood Of A Gay Person

On the subject of Gay people who are willing to serve and die for their countries: 

If you were dying and needed blood, if in one week you would be dead and never see your family again or if you chose to take the blood transfusion of a Gay person who says to you. "I am sorry, I made a mistake some years back and I am HIV Positive. Your life could go either way but you will at least live for five years, please let me help you." 

Imagine that you are one of those who quickly put down the Gay community with slanderous names, what would you do? Remember, this person is your only hope and will give you five more years of precious life. Of course, you could stand by your morals and kiss your wife or husband goodbye, and look at your little girl and let her know how you feel about Gay people.

Consider the comparison of the speech delivered by Shylock in Merchant Of Venice and substitute Jew with Gay or indeed any other human being willing to honour the dignity of service to others.

"He hath disgraced me, and hindered me half a million; laughed at my losses, mocked at my gains, scorned my nation, thwarted my bargains, cooled my friends, heated mine enemies; and what's his reason? I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? if you tickle us, do we not laugh? if you poison us, do we not die? and if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. If a Jew wrong a Christian, what is his humility? Revenge. If a Christian wrong a Jew, what should his sufferance be by Christian example? Why, revenge. The villany you teach me, I will execute, and it shall go hard but I will better the instruction. " 

I would be mightily impressed that those who dislike a person for their lifestyle would stick by their sad set of morals if they were in a hole on a battle field with a leg missing and bleeding to death, knowing you might never see your children again but for the aid of one of your team, now remember he's gay. Would you refuse that help knowing you would never be able to look into the eyes of those you loved? That little girl who sits on your knee at breakfast time to share you toast, the little boy who wants you to play with him in the first snow of the year. That beautiful woman who has given her life to you. All of this I am sure you would not give up because the medic who is about to give you a blood transfusion with bullets and shit flying everywhere. That brave soul who is willing to risk their life for yours irrespective of your beliefs....You should be ashamed of your so called morals and get on with your life and let others get on with theirs. Maybe they should be allowed to declare their choice of lifestyle on the battle ground prior to giving you medical attention.

The Problem With Selling Your CD Collection!

THE PROBLEM WITH SELLING YOUR CD COLLECTION.

Several years ago, along with everything else, the music industry collapsed. It imploded in on it’s self and changed beyond all recognition. Many see the demise of the music industry as directly linked to iTunes and the digitalization of music. This has however, made it more accessible and more convenient. If the 60s and 70s (That’s the 1960s and 70s to anyone in the generation growing up using a computer) was the generation of discovery and the 80s and 90s was the me generation, then the 21^st Century has become the generation of convenience. ‘I want it and I want it now’ Can I get it faster than that even?

The problem with, ‘I want it now and I can’t be bothered to wait’ is that there is always a price to pay, it’s either cash or trade and you usually give something up along the way. When it came to the music industry the price was quality. In order to make it possible to download a track or an album from the net, it was required that the size of the file become smaller and in order to do that it was compressed, so much so that the quality of the music fell off. How else could you get a 1000 songs on an ipod?

This was not solely limited to the music industry either, this need to downsize has become rampant throughout our lives in the last few years, and along with it has come the need for quicker and more efficient service and this has been required to be executed with less and less people and resources. So much so, that there has been a drop off in the quality of product and service over many industries. In the eighties it became commonplace to use the labour force to balance the books. This was the first time that it became common practice and the fallout from this has been devastating. Sadly we have never regained the days when people had a value and that value translated to quality.

It seemed like a good idea in the beginning, we could download our favourite song or album faster than you could say ‘DOWNLOAD’ and there we had it the convenience, right there on our phones and our tablets, at home on our laptops and our desktops. In fact it became obsolete to have a CD collection at all. Why? Why have one when it could all be uploaded onto your technology of choice? Not only that we could download a whole album in a few minutes.

In a moment of madness I allowed my wife to talk me into uploading all my music onto my mac and selling off all of my CDs. I had two or three hundred CDs and we were a little short on cash at the time (it was right in the middle of the recession). What I noticed right away though was that the quality I got from the upload and a pair of desktop speakers was in fact pretty crap in comparison to the CDs and a descent CD player, which also was auctioned off due to not really needing one.

I saw this as a model for my life, is it better to have ten shirts that I could get overnight or five at the same price from a good store? The problem is, if I order from the net it’s there next day and I don’t need to fight the traffic or find a place to park. I don’t need to try the shirt on or deal with the bad service I get from the clerk who doe not want to do the job he is in because they are bitter about being downsized after spending 6 years in University. The thing is though, I enjoy that process and it’s like anything else, I will get from it what I chose to put into it.

I like to shop at the Butchers instead on Tescos. (Who doesn't)? At the Butchers I get to have a conversation, many times with others in the shop. I get to ask questions of people who love their profession and I get a better quality of product. Do I pay a little more? Of course I do. But what I get in return is immeasurable both in quality of product and the life experience.

I love music and it saddens me to think that I wholesaled my CD collection in a moment of weakness when in reality I could have saved the money by not purchasing my Starbucks coffee everyday. No offence to Starbucks, the coffee is great. I feel that sometimes we wholesale our lives in order that we don’t have to be inconvenienced so much.

Live Passionately, Ask Why?

50 SHADES OF 60

50 SHADES OF 60

So, like many men I tried reading Fifty Shades of Grey when my wife was reading it, and yes, I confess, I went right to the juicy bits. Well, what I thought were the juicy bits. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not about to launch into a critique of the books, that would be unfair as I did not actually read a whole book and that was not because they were badly written. What the problem is or so it seems is that men see in pictures and women see in prose.

It has long been agreed that men are hunters and women are gatherers. Look back to the cave drawings when men drew pictures of a woman being dragged by her hair back to their pad and women, one would suppose, drew pictures of men bringing home the kill, along with a pint of milk and a dozen dinosaur eggs and a copy of 'Wuthering Heights.' Okay I’m being a little silly, but then that’s also a trait of men and some women, which, can I say men find very sexy in a woman.

The point is (and Fifty Shades drove this home for me) that men see in glorious Technicolor; why do you think we like sexy lingerie so much? It’s not that we need to dress women up because they are not enough without all of that stuff, it’s because that is how our minds work. So when we try to read a book like Fifty Shades we go right to the graphic parts, it’s a bit like having a comic when you were a young boy in school. People would say, “Oh, he still needs to have a picture book, he’s not ready for the chapter book yet.” Not true, it was simply that the way our brain works is different to that of a woman, we want to see the whole picture right there in front of us. Women are more delicate and they take the time to go deeper into the relationship while men go, “Yep, got that now let’s add some stockings and suspenders.” Now the picture is complete. Men imagine the picture and then want to see it on paper to see if it matches up t our imagination.

The strange thing is that it stays that way throughout our lives, well it did for me. Oh I think I’ve become more sensitive with age, but to my great surprise (and joy) I am no less pictorial now than I was at twelve with my first copy of Playboy. In those days you either new someone who had an older brother or you simply plucked up the courage and made your voice a little deeper and walked into the newsagent, all the while hoping to god that person who served you was not a twenty-four year old woman. We all had the same thrill and nightmare at the same time with this one.

I think the sad thing about the whole Fifty Shades trend is that a lot of women want a Christian Grey instead of the Mike Brown they married and a lot of Mike Browns want an Anastasia Steele who will do the things that Anastasia does instead of the Sue Jones they married. The thing about this book for most people is not the actual physical things that this adventurous pair got up to, no, for most people who have read the books the thing now is the anticipation of something more, something new in their own relationship, something different and exciting. The fun does not have to stop ay 60, why should it. Maybe if we added a little spice into our lives we would feel twenty-four again and that’s a good thing. Getting older is a fact but growing up is an option even for women.

A good friend of mine once told me, that if a man or a woman say that they want to have monogynous relationship then that comes with a responsibility. Not a mechanical responsibility but a responsibility of passion and adventure that does not stop on your thirtieth birthday.